Fifteenth International Conference on Sport & Society

Abstract

Deconstructing Toxic Masculinity will be the first book-length autoethnographic study of its kind. I am the researcher, author, and subject of this paper. Autoethnography has multiple meanings but largely refers to the method and product of research about personal lived experiences within a distinctive social world. Autoethnographers look inward on the self (auto), while positioning the study of themselves in relation to others within a larger context. My previous published work focused on the history of the International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA). My book, Rainbow Cattle Co.: Liberation, Inclusion, and the History of Gay Rodeo, is scheduled for a September 2024 release. The biggest challenge I faced with interviews was to grasp the essence of personal experiences and self-evaluation. Like most social scientists, I did not ask leading questions and recognized my biases. Some people held back on less-than flattering stories, while others over-emphasized glorious narratives. I wanted the most intimate and unedited story of LGBTQ+ athlete experiences. The only person I trust with providing all the details, share emotions that questions trigger, and who would not lie to me, is me. I have the knowledge of the history of the IGRA, I competed in rodeo all my life, and I earned the IGRA Trustees’ Award in 2023 for Ethics and Sportsmanship, which helped me with this research project. I enthusiastically share my research in this paper.